You Thought I Was a WHAT!
by goddess of all daleks
Summary: Cordy accidentally transports herself, Angel, and Doyle to UNIT HQ. X-over between Doctor Who and Angel. Will eventually feature Angel, Doyle, Three, either Jo or Liz, and the Brig as well. Yes, the title will eventually make sense. Please leave a review!
1. Never Insult a Demon or his Books

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**You Thought I Was a WHAT?!**

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_Hope you enjoy. Keep reviewing!_

_Disclaimer: I do, in fact, own _Doctor Who_, _Angel_, the entire city of LA, and your personal collection of books._

_(For those who are sarcasm impaired, that was a complete lie. I own none of these things. If I did, I would be making oodles of cash off this fic. I'm not.)_

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_**Chapter 1: Never Insult a Demon or his Books.**_

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"Okay," Cordelia Chase complained, slamming several volumes on demonology down on the counter. "I know I said I wished I could go shopping more often, but that was supposed to be a hint about my salary – can you say pitiful? Instead, I get sent out to buy books! Dusty, musty, boring old books! Books about gross demons and their grossness!"

The shopkeeper, owner of LA's finest occult bookstore, fixed her with an icy stare.

"I mean," she hastily continued, "no offence. I mean, just 'cause you're a demon, with three eyes, and a horn, and a long slimy tail—" and she gestured vaguely at the features in question, "that doesn't mean I think you're gross, oh no!"

She chuckled nervously. The temperature of the shopkeeper's glare dropped by several more degrees. Its tail had begun to flick menacingly from side to side like an angry cat's.

"You know what?" she told it. "I'm just gonna pay for these and go now, 'kay?"

She treated it to her most dazzling smile. It gave her a smile of its own, even chillier than its glare. It rang up her purchases, then looked more closely at the stack of books. It frowned.

"One," it said in a soft, hissing voice, "is missing."

Cordelia squinted at the pile. "No," she told it, "look. One of three, two of three, three of three. And thank goodness for that, 'cause, you know, back in Sunnydale, Giles had all these, like, fifty-gazillion-volume sets, and then I'd have to carry fifty gazillion volumes back to the office!"

"Yesss," the shopkeeper hissed, bobbing its head in what looked like a nod. "One, two, and three… but all useless without four."

Its tail, which was apparently prehensile as well as covered in slime, snaked past Cordelia. She jumped in surprise, stifling a shriek as the tail returned with a fourth dusty tome.

"Four," the shopkeeper said, "is key. One who wishes to read three—" it bobbed its head at the set of books already on the counter – "must first read four." It fixed her with its three glowing eyes. "Aloud."

Cordelia laughed nervously. The shopkeeper was unnerving her more and more. "Gee, thanks!" she told it. "I'd probably be in big trouble if the über-important books Angel sent me for turned out to be useless!" She handed over her cash. The shopkeeper's tail took it from her and deposited it in an old cash register that was as dusty as the rest of the store, then started rooting around for her change.

"You know what?" she told it, watching the tail with wide eyes and a disgusted expression. "You keep the change!"  
She grabbed her books and hightailed it out of the store. The shopkeeper's icy smile watched her go.

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	2. If It Ain't Unintelligible

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**You Thought I Was a WHAT?!**

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_If you enjoy this fic, please leave a review. If you don't enjoy this fic, please leave a review. Reviews are my _raison d'etre_!_ _Or, well, my _raison d'ecrire_, anyway..._

_Disclaimer: I'm not posting a disclaimer for every chapter! It's posted at the beginning of the first chapter, but is intended to apply to the entire fic. If it's that big a deal to you, go read it!_

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_**Chapter 2: If It Ain't Unintelligible, Don't Decipher It**_

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Cordelia strolled down the busy street in her own time. She had absolutely no intention of hurrying back to the office. If she showed back up at work, they'd just put her to, well, work. She had better things to do with her time!

Twenty minutes later, as she reached the nearest upscale shopping district, she realized that she'd been wrong. She had nothing better to do with her time. She heaved a sigh and sank down onto the nearest stylishly crafted bench. She'd come to LA to be an actress, to become famous, to make a new fortune to replace the one her father had lost; but in the end, the most important thing she had to do today was fetch and carry reference books.

She folded her arms and scowled at the stack of demonology volumes on her lap. When they failed to react, she sighed again, shifted them onto the bench next to her, and grabbed the one on top. She paged through it absently, glancing at stomach-turningly vivid illustrations of various demons and pulling faces.

_Eww!_ she thought, looking at the picture of a purple and green demon with three-foot-long ears. The accompanying paragraph informed her that those ears actually served as its food, and had to perpetually continue to grow so as to maintain their length. _That is seriously gross and I hope to God I never, ever have to see one!_

She shuddered, thumbed through a few more pages, and shut the book with a snap. The upper right hand of the cover caught her eye, and she frowned at it. It was clearly marked 2/3 – two of three. She opened it again, choosing a page at random, and started to read.

_Okay,_ she thought, _the Mjoll demon. Eight feet tall, hammer fetish, prefers goat meat…_ _and how come I can read it? I haven't read the fourth one aloud!_

She pulled the smallest book from the stack and inspected it. _Maybe the info in the main three is wrong, _she reasoned, _to, like, safeguard against, erm, evil people reading it? And if I read this, then it'll magically change so it gives the _real_ facts about the demons…_

She opened the book and groaned. _And it had to be one of those mystical texts in some wacky ancient language that nobody can read any more, didn't it?_ She began to sound out the words.

"Krlak," she muttered aloud. "Spleirkh tlerf vre nrlga… akhras? Nrerv trlk vre trlak mrerk – wait, no, mnerkh – tlerf mna vre zhrespleirkh—what the? No, stop! Aaaaah!"

Cordelia screamed as a great cloud of something that looked like a cross between smoke and light surged from the book and engulfed her. From the inside, it looked like a lightning storm, which was odd considering she hadn't seen any lightning in it from the outside. Then, without warning, the lightning stopped. Cordy's world went black.

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End file.
